It doesn’t matter what kind of loss we experience it doesn’t make it easier to deal with it. Be it loss of one’s self, loss of a loved one (person or pet), or loss through an experience such as breakup or divorce. It just feels hard. We’re fighting a dichotomy within ourselves.
When you experience a loss of a loved one you just want them physically around even if it’s just for one day so you can feel what it felt like to be in their presence and all that they were. This kind of loss is one you will have to live with day after day. It will always be there and we will have to manage that the rest of our lives.
Loss of one’s self — now that’s a tricky one. Most times you don’t even realize it until you’ve already fully pushed yourself to that point where so many things in your life are broken down. Now it’s about digging yourself out of the mess you put yourself in and awakening with new eyes. Examining what you lost in yourself and seeing if you want that back or not. Some things you look at and say no way. Other things you reintroduce back into your life again like music, socializing with people, etc. Some things you start anew with fresh eyes. Like a broader perspective on life, a new appreciation as they would say. Things like traveling, experiencing new things, being around people you haven’t been before, learning and being present in that experience. Isn’t that what life is all about — the people, the relationships and the experiences we have with them.
And from a loss of a relationship say friendship, partner etc, well that’s a process. Although I see what experts are saying when they say as a standard of loss we will take half the time to get over someone as the time we spent with them. I don’t really agree. Grief is a process and you don’t really ever get over someone. A piece of your heart is still with them and a piece of your heart has been broken or chipped away at and will never be the same. Do you go on. Yes, you do and most likely to be a better person for it as it changed you in some way.
No matter what the loss is I tend to look at it as a hour to hour, day to day experience. You go through your process however long it takes you, which in some cases is a lifetime as I said. You deal with it in however way you need to, to grow from the experience. The people in our lives, although it may be for only a short time, have taught us something, have helped us through something, and have helped us realize some things about ourselves. Even when we lose ourselves we can always be brought back from where we have been. It’s never too late, no matter how much time has passed, to get back to who we were and to start fresh to become something we want and can be.
Will there be tough days? Of course! Sometimes we will we take one step forward and two steps back. That will be frustrating and is frustrating, but we pick ourselves back up the next day and just keep taking one step at a time. As everyday we wake up we’ll feel a little less bad regarding what we have been through and are one step closer to being the person we want to and were meant to be.